The Door

Just found a quote I think pretty much sums me up perfectly. It's a plus it's from Jim Morrison


"I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments."


I would like to think that despite how ridiculous I act sometimes I am intelligent. I mean I am doing alright in college so that has to count for something. Although being around some of the people I hang out with knocks me down on the smart scale. I feel what I lack in book smarts I make up for in common sense. Seeing people who lack that just baffles me. I'm not saying I'm better than them, I just find it strange that people have a hard time figuring out simple things.

I do think I am rather sensitive, I listen to my friends' feelings when they need some one to talk to. I am also somewhat fragile when people attack the insecurities I have about myself, comes with the low self esteem and even lower self worth I have. Although you wouldn't immediately notice since I am even better and covering up when I break down inside.

"soul of a clown" is almost dead on. All my friends usually tell me I'm funny or "you crack me up". I think that trying to be funny is one of the two thing I am good at, right next to art. I pretty much live or get wrapped up in that "clown" persona since I am always trying to make people laugh, I guess it makes me feel normal. I guess I just find it hard to connect with most people and when I make them laugh, we share a connection, and that makes thing less awkward. And it's that awkwardness or lack of connection when I am unable to make some one laugh that has caused me to miss out on a lot of things, some of which I think were very important. Keeping that persons going is one of the most difficult things I do, and I sometimes surprise myself how I mange to never break character...

little words, big meaning

Today I had one of those experiences of joy in the little things. Since I really had nothing to do, I decided to go to the skatepark. I forgot how much I enjoyed skateboarding. I think it has become my new outlet because I never really get mad when I skate because I force myself to have a chill vibe to help me focus on landing tricks. Although skateboarding is one of the simple things i enjoy, it's not the thing I wanted to talk about. While I was at the skatepark I was skating average at best,I landed about half of the basic tricks. Since the park is mostly ramps and made more for bikes, there is a little part that's for skateboarding where we're kinda crowded. I was at this spot with a group of little kids skating. I was skating and landed a 50-50 grind(the easiest grind) on a box and did a couple kickflips and heelflips( both basic tricks). After about skating nonstop for about 45mins I decided to take a break and relax on the bench. Now like I said I thought I was doing average at best. While I was taking a break drinking a Mountain Dew, one of the little kids, who was about 10 or 11 came up to me and said "you're awesome at skateboarding" I was taken back by it because I don't usually receive compliments on anything. I took me a second to reply "thanks" because of it. It seriously made my day. I mean it really wasn't that big of a deal but to me it was. To have a complete stranger come up to me and tell me I was good at something that I didn't think I was great at felt kinda good, not gonna lie. The little kid even asked me for tips which shocked me even more because maybe for that time I was there that kid maybe looked up to me, not to sound conceded or anything just a guess.

Getting back to the point I realized how one simple thing like that could make a persons day. So I'm gonna try to be like that little kid and try to be kind and give everyone a compliment everyday, no matter how little or simple it may seem, because you never know maybe that little thing is exactly what that person needed.

Walking Disaster

I hate when you try your hardest and put your all into something, having high hopes about it, but only to find out that it wasn't good enough. Guess I should be used to it by now, but it still sucks.