E.T ratted out The Men in Black

The truth is out there. Well at least I think it is. This may sound crazy but I do believe in aliens. It's why I've always had a fascination with outer space and movies and video games about life out there. Because I can see that happening. I find it a bit funny that people who believe in angles, ghost, and spirits laugh at the idea of the existence of extraterrestrial life. Why can't there be? I mean you'll believe that some nearly invisible, winged being can come back from the dead and talk to you, but you don't believe that superior technological advances can't allow there to be life on another planet? Come on, out of those two which sounds more logical. I'm not saying I don't believe in angles or ghost, I'm just saying that if you're gonna believe in that stuff you might as well go for the full package and believe in aliens too because both concepts are just as out there.

I also think that it is somewhat arrogant for us not to believe in extraterrestrial life. Do you know how big space is? I mean our planet alone is nothing but a pebble in our solar system. An the solar system we are in is just a rock in the Milky Way galaxy we live in. Astronomers and scientist estimate there are around 500 billion galaxies out there in the universe. When you put it to that scale, planet earth is basically nothing. Now here's where the arrogance comes in, you mean to tell me, that out of all the countless planets that are in those 500 billion galaxies that ours is the only one that harbors life? Odds alone should be enough to convince that ours is not the only planet capable of containing life. These places are so far away we'll never see them. So how could you so easily rule out the existence of another life form? Just seems kinda absurd to me.

People might argue "exactly, we haven't seen these planets, they're thousands of light-years away so how could any live form reach us?" Well that's where I think the technological advances come in. We really have no clue how advanced these other beings are, but they would have to be if they visited us (i.e. UFO's). What if they just choose not to come here? I mean look at our planet, if you could travel to any planet in any of the galaxies, would you really want to stay on ours? Or what if they already are here? Kind of like the movie Men In Black, they blend in and wear disguise so they could be just like us. Like those outrageous magazines you see in line at the grocery store that claims a woman gave birth to and is raising an alien on a farm. Or some of them come here as refuges to escape intergalactic war or other hard ships that we are oblivious to. What if we are the aliens?

A quote from Mick Mars was what got me thinking about that. what if we are the aliens? I wouldn't be surprised. I mean I wouldn't rule out that I could be one myself. I've always been an odd ball and had a quirky personality. I do some strange things or have little habits that other may find odd. Maybe it's those little different things we do, the ones we can't really explain why we do them, that makes us all aliens. It is an interesting concept that I am definitely not ruling out. I know going from believing in aliens to actually being one myself is a far leap, but I still believe in those two things and everything in between.

"Everyone likes to look for aliens, but I think we are the aliens. We're the descendants of the troublemakers on other planets. Just like Australia was a prison to England, where they sent all their criminals and so on, it's the same thing on Earth. This is where they dropped us off. We're the insane people from somewhere else."
-Mick Mars

At The Bottom

"Wait
I watched you throw out your bouquet
Now i think about you everyday
I'm alone now in my bed

And there's a lake
And at the bottom you'll find all my friends
They don't swim cause they're all dead
We never are what we intend, or invent
'Cause I make little lies and then I pull them apart
Think something dark's living down in my heart
And if I wanted to die before I got old
I should've started some years ago digging that hole

Well I carry this box to the proper place
And when I lower it down
I let it you fade away
I hope that you would do this for me
I'd serve you drugs on a silver plate
If I thought it would help you get away
I hope that you would do this for me

A deer that a hunter shot in the heart
Some dogs that got hit by cars
All came to spill their guts

And we spoke
About the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
And which songs we had loved the most
And then we all turned to dirt
And dust
Some men die under the mountain just looking for gold
Some die looking for a hand to hold

Well I carry this box to its proper place
And when I lower it down
I let you fade away
I know that you would do this for me
I'd serve you drugs on a silver plate
If I thought it would help you get away
I hope that you would do this for me

I stole bricks from the dam almost every day
Now I'm drowning in the flood I made
Well explain myself to me on the other side
I'm gonna want some answers when I die


Well I carry this box to its proper place
And when I lower it down
I let you fade away
I know that you would do this for me
I'd serve you drugs on a silver plate
If I thought it would help you get away
I hope that you would do this for me."

-Brand New, "At The Bottom"

Hands down, that is one of the best songs ever written in my opinion. Easily in my top 3.

Critical Error

I hate feeling like I'm never good enough, but it's one of the only consistent feelings I have. They say you are your own worst critic. Whoever they are I thinks had me in mind when they came up with that statement. When you have an inner you with not but negativity, it's difficult to think you have any value. And so is the story of my life. I think that's why it's really hard to hurt me because I sure I've insulted myself 10000000000x harsher than anyone can, so it's like no big deal when some one makes fun of my intelligence(or lack there of), my height (most common one, real original), or my looks (which, again, really doesn't bother me because I don't think I'm much to look at). This feeling also keeps me up constantly and make sure I get little to no sleep, hence me writing this at 3 in the morning. It's the most frustrating thing to deal with, and it the one thing I cannot seem to overcome. I won't let myself and that seems like the biggest joke there is. I can't even enjoy the few compliments because I convince myself that they're not true and I don't deserve them. Even with my art, one of the hardest thing I have convincing myself I'm not good, I still have doubts with. I don't know it just sucks feeling like I'll never good enough and pretty much fail.

Crushed by the Weight of Rock Bottom

Sitting by a bonfire next to friends Pete and Joe... was where my night ended, or at least that's the last thing I remember. From all the stories I heard my night was far from over. What took place after was probably me at my lowest point. I'm kinda glad that I don't remember any of it, because from what I heard it was bad.

Like I said the last thing I remember was sitting in front of the fire. I was drinking.I drank to much. I was extremely drunk. Actually drunk is an understatement. I was fucked up. I turned into a monster. I got extremely pissed off. For some reason, I sometimes get this paranoid feeling and think I don't matter and that everyone hates me. Last night was one of those times. I took that feeling to the extreme, but not in the whinny way. More like in the "fuck the world and everyone in it, I don't need you" way. All the frustration, hate, and anger I had towards myself and anyone and everything that I kept inside for the longest time came out. I feel sorry, and apologize to my best friend Joe and Kacy, they got the worst of it. I remember talking to Joe, before shit went downhill, about my new motto I'm gonna try to live by "don't think, just do"and that's what I did. That was one of the times where I wish I would have thought, because if I had known what it was going to lead to I would have never done it.

I feel bad for what I did. That alcohol fueled hatred caused me to swing at and even punch him in the head. If I was him I would have knocked me out, but he didn't even fight back. That's not the bad part either, I guess he took me back to his house where I threw up and pissed all over his house and myself. They should have kicked me out, but they didn't and that's a good thing because I still had my car keys and car outside, where I could have easily gotten in my car and drove off where odds are I would have crashed and killed someone or myself. But instead they took me to the hospital (where I pretty much spent most the night). So do they get a thanks for doing the right thing and taking me there and calling my parents? No, instead they get spat at and cursed out by me for them trying to help. I feel like a asshole. And to them I apologize.

I continued my reign of terror at the hospital, when the nurse ask to take my temperature I replied "No Bitch!" and probably called her other names. The rest of the stay was hazy, I remember waking up wondering where I am and how I got there, I would get and explanation and then pass back out. I was informed at just how bad I got. When I arrived my blood alcohol level was about 4.5 times what I could handle. Had it been 5 times what I could handle I would have been in a coma. If it was 6 times then I would have died. I was that close to killing myself with alcohol over a false belief. I'm not completely sure why I did it, I know I wanted to drink but I didn't want to get like that. Maybe I was just trying to let off some steam, and I did but it was more than I wanted to let off. The response to that "why" that startled me the most was the one I gave my brother, I told him I did it because I worried about his cancer coming back and him not making it. Needless to say I had everyone scared. I even had my poor sister in tears with the txt she sent my brother while he was at the hospital: "tell markus to stay strong so he can come back home and crack jokes and talk about the UFC it wouldn't be the same without him"

Amongst all that chaos and with the help of family, friends, and the doctors I managed to pull through. I'm at home now watching the ufc while I recover and try to forget about how bad I fucked last night. Like I said, if I would have know that was gonna happen I would have never done it. I guess I'll just take it as another lesson learned. Again, to all those that I have hurt or caused worry to because of last night.... I'm truly sorry, it won't happen again.

Shotgun Alarm Clock

I went to the Wayne State Student Art Show earlier today, there was a lot of amazing work there. I seen a couple pieces that my friends submitted. Two of my friends even were awarded scholarships. I mean, I'm happy for them but is it was a bit discouraging not being like one of them and having one of my art works in the show or winning an award.

It was difficult thing to comprehend because art is the one thing I'm supposed to be good at, actually it's the only thing I'm good at. I guess I'm not as good as I thought. I have to say though, today was a wake up call. Why wasn't any of my work in the show? Simple answer: It wasn't good enough. The final product wasn't exactly what I wanted. I realized, when I looked back at some of the work I've done this previous year, that I may have been slacking. I pretty much did the minimum to get a decent grade. I could have done a lot more to improve my work. Although it was disappointing to be told in some way that my art wasn't good enough, it was a good thing. I think that lit a fire fire under my ass. Since this semester is almost over, I'm going to work my hardest on the project I have left, and even harder on the ones I'll have to come in the semesters to come.

I think it's a good think to make a vow for myself like that, a personal goal. Since I love art, and it really is the only thing I'm good at, I want to prove that. I want to have my work up in the student and maybe even other shows. This day gave the drive I needed to be better at what I want to do. I also decided to adopted this concept into more aspects of my life. I've let a lot of things in my life not work out the way I wanted to because I didn't try hard enough or because I was afraid of failure. I'm going to try and not let failure and hard work stop me from achieving what I want.


Jeff: "For some reason I always thought that I was special, and different. and I guess I just have a really hard time when I want to be good at something, and I suck."

Pierce: "Jeffery, when I was born I got my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck, both arms, and one of my ankles. My mom said that there came a point where the doctor stopped delivering me and just started laughing. I mean, if I ever let being bad at something stop me... I wouldn't even be here. that thing some men call failure, I call living ...breakfast! and I'm not leaving till I cleaned out the buffet."